The Burnout You Can’t Post About
When high-functioning becomes high-hiding
Some of us are drowning in plain sight.
We’re answering emails with a smile, leading meetings, posting curated joy, and showing up for others even when we can barely show up for ourselves. And when someone asks how we’re doing, we say, “Busy, but good.” Most of the time, that’s the truth, at least on the surface.
But underneath all the performance and productivity, there’s something we don’t talk about enough: the quiet kind of burnout. The kind that doesn’t come with breakdowns or dramatic exits. The kind that looks like success on the outside but feels like survival on the inside. That is what psychiatrist Dr. Judith Joseph calls high-functioning depression, and it’s far more common than most people realize.
What Is High-Functioning Depression, Really?
In her book High Functioning: Overcome Your Hidden Depression and Reclaim Your Joy, Dr. Judith Joseph breaks down the experience of those who seem to be thriving but are actually carrying a hidden emotional weight. She calls it “smiling depression," when you’re functioning well enough to avoid concern from others, but emotionally, you’re numb, drained, or disconnected.
People with high-functioning depression often excel in their careers and responsibilities. They are the ones others lean on. They meet deadlines, show up on time, and push through even when they feel exhausted. Because they perform so well, they often delay seeking help. They may even convince themselves that they’re fine, because everything on paper looks good. But inside, they’re fading.
Dr. Joseph emphasizes that high-functioning depression can be incredibly isolating, especially for Black women, who are frequently expected to be pillars of strength. When you’re always seen as the one who “has it together,” there’s rarely space to fall apart.
When Burnout Wears Lip Gloss
High-functioning depression doesn’t always look like tears or isolation. Sometimes, it looks like overachieving. It looks like a woman who never stops moving, never says no, and keeps pouring into everyone else while quietly running on fumes. It’s a silent kind of suffering.
Especially for high-achieving women, the pressure to stay composed becomes a full-time performance. You become a version of yourself that’s easier for others to applaud but harder for you to live inside. Over time, that disconnect builds. You might feel resentful, emotionally flat, or strangely disconnected from joy, not because anything is “wrong,” but because you’re constantly surviving and never refilling your own emotional well.
When Productivity Becomes a Disguise
Our society rewards performance. It claps for the person who keeps going. It rarely pauses to check on the one who’s quietly unraveling. We’re told that consistency and output equal worth. And so, we learn to perform even when we’re exhausted. We tie our value to our ability to produce, to respond, to endure.
But just because you can keep functioning, doesn’t mean you should.
You are not a machine. You are not your output. You are not lazy for needing rest, or dramatic for needing help.
Let me say this plainly. Therapy is not weakness. It is wisdom. And in my world, everybody needs it. You don’t need a crisis to get clarity. You don’t need to break in order to begin again.
The Myth of “Strong Enough”
Many of us grew up hearing the same silent message: be strong, be grateful, be quiet. We learned to push through, to keep going, to wear the smile even when it hurt. We internalized the idea that asking for help made us less than.
But here’s the truth. Healing begins the moment we admit we are not okay and decide we deserve to be.
High-functioning depression is still depression. It deserves care, attention, and support. There is no trophy for silently suffering. There is no gold star for burning out in silence.
What You Might Miss in Yourself
You may still be functioning, managing tasks, showing up, and doing what needs to be done. But ask yourself:
Do you feel disconnected from your own joy?
Are you emotionally exhausted, even after rest?
Have you stopped looking forward to things that used to light you up?
If the answer is yes, you’re not alone. And no, you don’t have to earn support.
Let’s Pause Here
Before we rush to solutions or silver linings, let’s acknowledge the truth. You are allowed to feel what you feel. You are allowed to want more than survival. You are allowed to rest, even when others expect you to keep going.
Therapy gave me the tools, language, and space to come back to myself, which is why I believe in it so strongly. You don’t have to wait until everything falls apart; you can choose yourself now.
Three Prompts to Begin Coming Home to Yourself
What part of me is asking to be heard right now?
What am I pretending doesn’t hurt?
What would it feel like to rest, not just physically, but emotionally?
You don’t have to fix it all at once. Just be willing to get honest with yourself.
One Last Thing
Burnout doesn’t always announce itself loudly. Sometimes it shows up as numbness, apathy, or hyper-productivity. Sometimes it hides in a full schedule and a half-empty heart.
But you are not alone in this.
You are not broken. You are tired. You are holding more than most people see, and doing it with grace.
You do not have to carry it alone.
Author’s Note:
I write this not only as a storyteller and leadership coach but also as someone with a Master of Science in Behavioral Science. I believe deeply in therapy, not as a last resort but as a life-giving resource that everyone deserves, especially those who are praised for holding it together. I hope this post gave you permission to name what you’ve been carrying and to begin creating space to feel more whole, more seen, and more you.
Next, in Part Two, we'll explore how to rewire the voice in your head so that it becomes your place of safety, not self-sabotage. You'll learn practical ways to shift your inner dialogue and reclaim your joy, from the inside out.
With heart,
Taylor